We Can Do Hard Things
By Suzanne St. John-Crane, CEO, ALFSV; Interim Part-Time Executive Director, ALF National
I spent the week of July 10 in the High Sierras with ALF Silicon Valley Class XLII, taking in all that the wilderness experience has to offer. On Friday morning we completed a lengthy final debrief following the solo experience, where Fellows are silent for about 14 hours and sleep outside. That, after having climbed mountains together and engaged in courageous conversations about race, gender, inclusion and class, left us inspired and exhausted. As a final check out we were invited to share a phrase that represented our week-long experience together.
One Fellow said out loud, “We can do hard things.” Indeed we can, and indeed we better – if we want to create better outcomes for our families, employees and communities.
We are invited on the wilderness journey to focus on our edge – that thing we want to work through, improve upon or altogether overhaul. While these edges are sometimes obvious or predictable, new environments – like being outside and in the middle of nowhere with no cell reception or family support – can surprise us. Perhaps we’ve buried feelings by distracting ourselves with social media, work, or mind altering substances. It’s incredible easy to reach for things that take us out of ourselves, leaving unfinished business to fester.
What I discover, time and time again on this wilderness experience, is that our deepest selves – our history, buried feelings – are still in there. And if we as a class can commit to building a foundation of trust, we have the distinct opportunity to bravely move through those edges and come out on the other side more whole. But we can’t leave the discomfort too soon, or we miss the opportunity and transformative change that follows.
The word grace continues to come up for me in all sorts of conversations. Do we have the courage and emotional maturity to offer grace to those who may say the wrong thing or be at a different part of their leadership journey? Can we listen to hard feedback with an open heart? Do we assume good intent? Are we willing to sit in the fire with each other until we figure it out, or are we quick to judgement? Is that giving us the outcomes we desire?
Ford Foundation CEO Darren Walker penned an article for the NYT on July 4th that deeply resonated with me. He recognized the miracle that our imperfect union is, and called out a path forward in order to save our threatened democracy.
“Across our country, a foul spirit of nihilism has displaced a forgiving spirit of grace.”
“First, we must make new, open space: places where people of good will, operating in good faith, can speak and listen, with authenticity and vulnerability, without fear that they’re using the wrong word or phrase, without self-censorship. Perhaps this is how we begin to reject the zero-sum thinking that says, “If the other side wins on anything, my side loses on everything” — how we begin to turn toward each other, at a time when it’s so easy to turn away or simply turn off.
We also must embrace one another’s shared humanity — across the breach, to heal the breach — which means we must at least tolerate the expression of views with which we disagree.”
Sitting in the fire, taking risks by sharing hidden pieces of ourselves, and being open to listening to the other side all fit the definition of “hard things.” And if we can start small – in generous conversation with each other as community leaders – I have hope for our country.